Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
