They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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