oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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