Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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