never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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