Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I believe in your delicious
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
