at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
