she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
