I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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