If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How does it feel to date your dad?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
