i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize