i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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