Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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