I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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