if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
