It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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