I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
