Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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