My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
