Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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