I accidentally burped into my bong.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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