girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
