me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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