I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
