somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
