I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
