We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She bit a glass in half.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
