Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
