Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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