just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
