Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
