Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Drake has all the answers
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
