the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
