Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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