He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
