Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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