Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
