Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
