You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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