i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
