Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
