You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
