i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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