I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
