When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize