Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
