I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
