could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
