I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
