Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
