Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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