I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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