I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Come see our sink grown plant.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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