did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
foreskin is a definite game changer
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
