I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
