Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
