4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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