just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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