Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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