booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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