My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
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i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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