He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
