Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
