youre lurking in front of me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
